So what is freedom for us?. The privilege of doing what we want?. Well, everyone may have their concept of freedom, but I ask to myself: is freedom something that may be related to another person?.

A few days ago, I broke up with the guy who was my boyfriend at the moment. We met at university and he was keeping me under pressure to go out with him. In that time, I already had a boyfriend that I knew like from...forever? xDD Well, things went a bit odd, and I had the feeling that something was not okay with both guys. One because he was going too quick (two weeks passed since the day we first metand he was saying the he was in love with me), and anothe because I already knew him A LOT and I knew what was going through his head when I told him about my issue with the other guy.

At first I was kind of surprised with him not reacting the way I thought he would do, as always: odd. But he did not, he just told me to talk with the university guy about what there was and what we had currently...So I did...AND THE ODD THINGS STARTED AGAIN!!! There were phone calls from me to him to talk only a few seconds about just nothing. As always, I started to feel guilty about telling him what happened with the guy in class, but I remembered too many facts that happened in the past and I didn't wanted to make another mistake, but it seemed like there were mistakes EVERYWHERE. My life started to work as a home-made FreePascal compiler which failed with every program code I tried to write within. There was a Messenger conversation: "what happens?", "nothing?, "nothing?. then why are you acting so weird??", "it is just that nothing happens, nothing happens ever!".

...

I interpretated that as a "goodbye, do what you want with your life". Okay, I was used to that, so I came back again at classroom and went on with my university life without litting nothing interfere between my studis and I.

So whe somebody tells you "never mess with relationships at work", do what they tell you. Never do it, because you start to fail again. The pressure was now outstanding, always bugging me with the same things. I looked at him as my friend, nothing else, but he was just too blockhead to let the idea crawl into his little-dummy brain full of binary code and electronics!! So before losing a friend I just met and begin with the hard feelings at class, I just...gave up...I started to go out with him...There was nothing at all, no "chemistry", no passion, even no conversation, only his obsession. I didn't felt nothing for him that wasn't only a mere friendship. Again I chose the wrong option...Why do I always do things the wrong way??. I thought that with all the times I've been hit in my life I had some experience and that I was doing things right, but no!!. I was just tired...after 4 months I ended with all this tiring, stupid, came from nowhere relationship that didn't exist!!...I fortunately killed it...And I felt so much relief...

When no one respects your ideas, when you feel under pressure, when you think that you are being imprisoned by someone, always do what you can to run away. This guy from university did not understand me, did never tried a bit to help me when I was in trouble, did never had a tiny little detail with me. It was always the same 8 year-old kid which was lying inside of him the one that always showed up. I ended going to class like I was obligated, not with the same happiness that I did when I started my first week . He almost ended with my own freedom spirit...He didn't respected that at all...Always thinking about the same thing with me, and you people know what I mean...And I was always acting like his mother. When he said "I'm going to give up, I failed this practise!", I had to say "well, I failed them ALL and I don't give up. I prefer to give my life before ending with my career which is everything I have got at the moment!! Don't do it!!".

...

It was always the same statement: "don't do it!". Don't do it, don't do it...Well, I am not your mother!!!.

And then, when we broke up (finally!) he comes and writes in his MSN nickname: "freedom at last! now I don't have to clean that much!". No, wait a minute; CLEAN???!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN WITH THAT???. WELL, IF YOU'RE TIRED OF CLEANING, I AM TIRED OF CHANGING YOUR BABY SWADDLING CLOTHES ALL THE TIME!!!.

What I am trying to tell you people is that you should never make things like this just because you feel under pressure. At least my previous boyfriend did know how to respect me, he had details with me and I could even TALK with him!!. There were things that I was used to (3 years are 3 years at all...or were they 2 and a half? it doesn't matters) and that I had marked as "normal" in my head. Well, no, those weren't normal things for the last guy...


Geebus!! I can't believe I am free again!!